By Melissa Meehan
As mums we are no strangers to guilt.
The guilt we feel when we say we’re tired, the guilt we feel when we go back to work.
I’ve recently discovered a whole new form of guilt – the guilt of not being able to do everything.
I’m pregnant with my second child and have yet again been smashed by severe morning sickness.
It’s been relentless.
Every morning I wake up – exhausted from a terrible nights sleep before – and drag myself into the day.
My toddler doesn’t quite understand that mummy doesn’t quite have the energy she used to.
That the game we used to play when she jumped on my tummy probably isn’t something I love doing anymore.
Or the fact that when I’m having a (not so quiet) moment in the bathroom revisiting my last meal – it’s not the time to burst in and see what I’m up to.
But it’s not her fault. She doesn’t understand. She just wants her mum to play with her.
The same goes for work.
I’m lucky enough to have two jobs that allow me to work from home when needed.
It’s the beauty of being a writer – but it doesn’t mean I feel any less guilty for letting my team down when I have to call in sick or even call in to say I’m working from home on a day I would usually be in the office.
I appreciate their flexibility, but it still makes me feel guilty for not living up to expectations I put on myself.
I often see other pregnant women in their corporate gear walking around and I just want to applaud them.
But the hardest has to be the guilt I feel when I’m too sick to participate in family time.
My husband works long hours and I’d love to be able to spend the weekends and nights having fun with him and my daughter.
But the harsh reality of being so sick means often I spend most of the night with my head in the toilet or I’m so exhausted that I’m in bed a little after 7pm.
Even with medication given to patients receiving chemotherapy to help stop the nausea and vomiting this is my reality.
And the guilt is almost as bad.
But that said, I cannot wait to meet my little cherub in a little less than four months.
Seeing them for the first time will make all of the sickness and guilt worth it.
Because they will complete our little family.
